Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Hello I'm Alive
The weirdest thing happened just now. I'm sitting here, in my hotel room, on a family vacation in Punta Cana, and I got this overwhelming urge to write a blog post.
Hello my name is Elle Fowler and it has been 10 months since my last post. And I stole the above picture from Blair's Instagram.
I just wanted to chat really, about makeup and life. In the last 10 months I have healed from a broken back, gotten engaged, bought and moved into my first house, started a new company, planned a summer wedding, and gotten a second cat (lol). It's been busy, and wonderful, but what it has not been is productive on the makeup front, and that means both for videos and blogs.
I think I have been a bit overwhelmed with my "outside of YouTube" life. You guys know that makeup and YouTube stuff was always a hobby first and a job second, and I really struggle with it when I don't feel particularly inspired. Recently I've been a bit bored with it, to be honest. I feel that everyone creates the same videos over and over, and I find that when I am bored with other people's videos it makes me bored with my own. Couple being bored with videos with the fact that my life outside of YouTube has been busy and you get what you have right now... a stagnant "in-between" phase.
I went to the drugstore the other day and just stood in the makeup aisle in a silent fervent haze and I realized... man, I still LOVE makeup. It gives me butterflies to look at all the new products and then take them home and play with them. I love researching them and swatching the colors and textures, always convinced that I will find something better than the last, always convinced something new will be a future holy grail of mine. "What if this is the foundation I wear on my wedding day and I don't even know it yet?!" Skincare is the same, and body products too; all of it makes me genuinely happy. The promise of a new result, the rush of giddiness trying it for the first time, it's the best.
I'll tell you this - when I spend time and happiness creating a video full of stuff I love (like a favorites video) and then every single comment talks about the video being sponsored (when it's not) it really just kinda kicks that happy bubble of a feeling. It pokes the bubble. The bubble is poked, it bursts, and then I'm sitting there like... ok hmm wait where is that happy bubble? Hello... bubble. Come back.
It makes me want to buy products and play with them and keep the happy bubble to myself.
I'm not even complaining really, I think it's the community as a whole. The YouTube beauty community is not what it once was in terms of feeling like a community. Right now it feels like a bunch of skeptics watching a bunch of girls try to convince people to buy something they are being paid to sell. It's just turned into something weird, all around.
But then there's me. I've been around the beauty community since the beginning, since before most people who watch it today were watching, and I'm still here loving on the same things I loved on then. I'm 8 years older, and in a much different place in my life, and I still get the exact same feeling when I walk into a makeup aisle.
So where does that leave me?
I'm not even really sure. I'm not saying bye to YouTube, my channel is my baby... but I'm in a weird place right now. Maybe I'll start blogging? There are certain blogs that still give me that feeling of community that a YouTube channel doesn't anymore. I would love to create that here.
I guess I would just love to hear your thoughts on all of it, whatever they are. Feel free to leave comments :)
Posted by Elle Fowler